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Sunday, November 10, 2013

My Deep Dark Secret

I wanted to see if a somewhat intriguing title
would make people want to 
read this post.
Ha! You just got tricked into reading a love post!

Somewhere along the road 
I got confused
And the real definition of Love
got tossed by the wayside.

I have continued to confuse love
For other things.
Love is hugs and kisses.
Love is appraisal.
Love is flowers.
(In the classic words of a favorite teacher-I've "operationalized" love)
Love is....fill in the blank with whatever chick movies define love as.

Nay nay. 
Love is not all of those things,
BECAUSE you can have love 
and not have any of those things at all.

What love IS:
Being loved is being loving. 
And it turns out that being 
loving is incredibly, incredibly 
tough for me.

I don't know really how to do it yet,
 this loving thing.
And I'm really sad, and kind 
of upset that I want so badly to 
be different.

But I'm also acutely aware of
a truth. 
(Here comes the "God stuff")

Heavenly Father IS love
Christ IS the way and the truth.
So even though I've fed myself a lot of lies,
I'm connected to this man who literally 
IS love.
He doesn't show me the way to love,
he literally

And so I have faith.
And I hope,
and I'm upset sometimes,
but still happy.

Because I believe that
the better I know Christ
the more instantaneous Love
I feel 
and Give.

So as I struggle to feel loved,
I'm going to try to know Christ better.
As I struggle to feel loved I'm going
to try and treat others with more love.

Sounds simple. We'll see.


  1. Tilly, you ARE loved!!! I was so glad to see you last night--especially in a place where love is all around you. :)

  2. Tilly,

    That was amazingly written. I pray you find your path in life. I hope all is well with you. <3

  3. I feel you girl...I've been realizing this too. You gots this though :)