(First of all, I understand that this might be an open wound for some.
I apologize if I hurt any feelings.
I realize that this post has some really selfish stuff in it.
Hopefully you can read it with the feeling that was intended.)
Most of the people from my younger days
know that I share my birthday with Rachel Hanna.
Since Rachie and I were friends from a young age and shared the
same small town friends it was only natural to collaboriate on birthday parties.
From having a tea party at Sengthong's
to watching The Little Mermaid at Greg and Sherri's
it was always together.
I have to admit, I don't have any birthday memories that exclude her.
Obviously I was a little jealous when we were younger,
blah blah blah I didn't get my own party.
And even as I grew older, sometimes
I didn't think it was fair that I cried every year
on MY birthday.
That my birthday always included a trip to the cemetery,
and that my birthday balloons were given to the sky.
My day, was our day.
But life has proven to teach me a few things.
Through losing that precious little girl I've learned that
life is valuable beyond comprehension.
I have come to know that families can be together forever,
even after death.
I've come to find that being selfless is more important than, "having my own day".
That thinking of others, and loving and caring will always lead to happiness.
That you can dwell on loss, live like a victim of life,
OR you can cherish memories and make new ones.
And right now.
Even though I cry that I've been selfish,
and I can't believe that I still miss her after 14 years, I'm also so happy.
I'm so grateful that I get to share with her.
That sweet little girl reminds me to love others.
To make them smile and laugh.
And tomorrow, I'll wear purple.
And I'll probably cry a little bit, because loss is so hard.
But most importantly I'll smile.
Because I'm the luckiest girl in the world,
I get to share my birthday with an angel.