Lessons Of A Lone Hiker

It was 70 degrees outside,
no clouds and a slight breeze,
can you blame me for going on a hike?
I did go by myself, which I know,
shame on me, but I just HAD TO!

This hike, however was
like nothing I'd ever experienced.
You need to know that this actually happened
and I'm sorry for the profanity.

I had been hiking for probably
about an hour when I started to experience
some super intense stabbing pain in my abdomen.

I tried to walk it off,
but after about five minutes
I had to take a little break
so I sat down on a log.

This might seem a little
"Good Samaritan-esk"
And it kind of is,
but three different groups of
people walked by me while I was there.

The first set was a man
with a woman following
about 4 steps behind him.
I smiled at the man and said "Hi"
as he walked by.
He nodded in my direction and kept walking.
The woman who was following him received
the same greeting from me, a smile and a "Hi".

But instead of walking by,
She stopped, looked at me and said, and I quote
"You're an asshole, I hate you."
And then promptly started walking again.
I wish I could have seen my face,
I looked around to make sure she was talking to me,
and whispered a simple questioning, "me?"

But she kept walking.
So, there I was, imploding
while a random woman
swore at me and then kept walking.
I'm pretty sure I looked up and muttered
 "really Heavenly Father, why?"

Oh wait, it gets weirder.

The next bunch was a group of
three little kids, 2 boys and 1 girl
about 6-8 years old.
The two little boys had their
arms around each others shoulders and
were jovially singing,

"Go, Tell it on the mountain,
over the hills and everywhere;
Go tell it on the mountain
that Jesus Christ is born."

This trio was such a stark contrast
to the previous duo that I literally thought I was dreaming.
But no, the children said hello and happily skipped by.

The next was a little more "normal" feeling,
a mom and her daughter.
The mother had the daughter on her shoulders
and the daughter was playing the "why?" game,
"Why do we have trees, why do we have grass, etc".

Reminder, this entire time, probably about 20 minutes,
I'm dying, I'm in so much pain that I can't walk.

The mom and daughter say hello and smile as they walk by,
and as they do I notice that the mother has a bald head,
covered with a bandana.
They passed by
 and after a while I decided that if I didn't get up and start walking
I didn't know how long I would just be sitting there.

So, all hunched over I started shuffling down the trail.

Pretty soon I caught up to the mother and daughter pair.
They were stopped on the trail looking at a squirrel,
and they joined me as I walked.

The mother asked where I lived, where I went to school,
made small talk.
I told her I thought she was cool for taking her children hiking
all by herself.
She simply said, "It's been a hard year for our kids, I thought they deserved to have some fun."
And then we parted ways.

What?
Yeah, crazy right?

I finally made it to my car and was so grateful that I could just drive home and lay down,
BUT
I also drove home with a question in my mind,

"Which of the hikers am I?"
Am I rude? Do I happily sing and skip through life? Do I carry my family on my shoulders?

Yes, the pain did go away.
The timing was very interesting,
just perfect to meet each group.

And I decided that
I want to be the kind of person
who recognizes when people are in pain,
I want to stop, pick them up in my arms
and carry them back down the trail.

The Man Who Changed My World

"He just looks like a genius.

Right up there with Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell.

Nikola Tesla."

Harry Burnett Reese.

Inventor of Reese's.

She Sings Herself To Sleep

I hope the cliche'-ness of this post doesn't
overshadow the meaning that I'm putting into it.

I've always been one of those people who can't really spend that much time by myself.
Because I usually run out of stuff to do fairly quickly and then I need someone else
to entertain me.

This has been evident over the past couple of years because I've always filled my time with other people, always always.

However, the past couple of months have really been transition months and I've made a decision to...
wait for it.....
FIND MYSELF.

The Tilly that I wanted to be was lost deeeeeeeep down inside and she was ready  to show her pale little face.

And so the journey began with my first trip to the movie theatre,
SOLO.

Can I just tell you I totally enjoyed it?!
At first I was self conscious and embarrassed, and the ticket taker was a guy that I knew, so I felt pretty silly.
But after I got over the initial newness I was a happy camper..watcher.

And so I continued the journey.
This week I took a beautiful hike.
By myself.
Went shoe shopping.
By myself.
Ate at my favorite indian food restaurant
By myself.
Went to the gym
By myself.
And, last but not least,
went to a concert.
By myself.

I mean, I'm still getting use to this solo act, but also I think it's good for me to figure out who I am.
And, I've found that I'm pretty fun.
I had fun singing out loud to myself as I hiked.
I had a lot of fun at this concert, listening to music that I totally loved. I had fun dancing by myself.

Stick with me a little longer, I want to tell you the best part.

So, when I was younger ( my parents can testify) I had this really bad habit. As a little girl I would always sing myself to sleep at night. I did it for years, and I sang REALLY loud.

I can remember multiple occasions when my parents had to come into my room and tell me to quiet down because they couldn't sleep.

The happiness in my childhood heart would radiate out of my mouth, I loved singing so much and it truly soothed me. I would make up words to my own songs, and just sing for hours.

Fast forward to a couple of nights ago, my roommate was visiting family and I was all alone in my room.

A voice drifted through our apartment, it was a little Tilly girl, happily singing herself to sleep.

And I'm proud to announce that, My friends, I've found myself.

Beautiful Mountains

The mountains were so beautiful
on my way home from work today
that I didn't even care that I
 was stopped in rush hour traffic.
I listened to the radio really loud
and I thanked Heavenly Father
for the beautiful weather
for the blue sky
and I cried because I was so happy.

Being Better THAN

I was sitting in my social work class
when my teacher said something
that really caught my attention,
"Why do we think we need to be better than others?"

I started to panic,
I thought of a bunch of ways to
dodge the question.

"We live in a competitive world,
if we want to succeed we need to be
better than the next guy."
"If I want a job I have to have a better interview than my competitor"
"If I want an A on the test I need to do better than my classmates."

And so forth.

Whoa whoa whoa, was that really what she was asking?
You already know it wasn't.

She was asking,
"Why, when we see someone with a sign that says 'will work for food',
do we automatically think we are 'better' than they"?

Even more so,
why do we feel the need to make this comparison
in the first place?

Why do we not only compare,
but also, why do we feel the need to place
others' worth below our own?
Are we not all people?

And I've thought and thought about this.

My answer?
Well, honestly all of them end selfishly.

Now, bettering myself? Obviously I think that's a righteous endeavor,
learning from experiences, reading new books, mastering new skills.
There's no harm in being better.

The problem is being better THAN.
Better than "those people",
whether mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, academically,
there's really just no need to compare.

When it comes to inherent worth,
I truly believe that we are all the same.
No matter what illness we have, what shortcomings we fall to,
how many breakdowns, or break throughs,
we all have worth.

At Least SOMEONE Knows What's Going On

Though he’s still confused at how to serve me, 

I’ll soon lead him to a clearer dawning, 

In the green sapling, can’t the gardener see  

The flowers and fruit the coming years will bring

-Faust by Goethe 

What I Wouldn't Do

For 5 years.

I've been addicted to this song, 

"What I Wouldn't Do"

by A Fine Frenzy.

And today for the first time

I learned how to play it on the guitar.

And I feel so happy

that I can sing and play

my very favorite song.

I think I might cry.